Update

I have spoken to the Fostering Support worker - it wasn't as bad as I thought. There may be a way for boy to stay. I can do this alone with support and help and lots of energy and confidence (oops could be in trouble there then). It is possible. Now we just have to decide when to tell boy and how to handle it. Hope he wants to stay - hope I can make it alone.

Also today I have tried to open a new bank account - one where all the money can go in to pay the day to day bill. They are thinking about it! Hope there thinking is good.

I now really have to ring up the benefits - I am putting it off - I mustn't put it off anymore.

I am finding writing on this blog really helps - I know no one is reading it but somehow just putting it out there is helping. If I thought someone I know was reading it I would probably be more worried and not be able to put my feelings down. Blogging can be very helpful to mental health - I guess this on line diary feels more public so you can get rid of stuff but not too public (does that make sense - probably not).