Leaving day

I think it is time for him to leave. Last few days he has been sleeping in the cabin and just wondering about looking lost. Tomorrow boy goes back to school and life returns to what is talked of as normal. Tomorrow I think he should leave. I will take the boy to school whilst he packs some bits and goes. This is my plan - whether it comes to fruition only time will tell.

I'll be honest I was surprised that he didn't even want to try and be different, he didn't even want to sit down and talk. But then I shouldn't be surprised as he hasn't wanted to talk for a long, long time.

Now I have to start to handle the money - good it is going to be a nightmare- claiming benefits, trying to sort out the massive debts, find out what I have to pay and what, if any, I don't. Start looking for a job that fits around boy (that should be easy then!) and sorting out if they will let boy stay. Maybe they will say that I am not fit to be a single foster mum. Who knows.

All I know is that I have to try - I have to try for me.

Today

He admitted today that he wants to go and he is moving in with his sister. I feel scared to death and secretly relieved (if that is possible). Not at all sure how I am going to cope financially but will just have to plough on day to day and see what the future holds.

I pray every day for a miracle but miracles don't happen to people like me.

Today - Day One??

Today I asked my husband to leave.

It is something I have been thinking about for a long, long time.

Today I am thinking no more.

I am no longer frightened of being alone; I am no longer afraid of my own shortcomings. Being in this relationship is worse than not being in it - the balance has turned.

I have nothing to lose but my sanity.

D

The begining

http://uk.ask.com/wiki/Hypergraphia

Just in case you need to know.