Staying Calm

We had another threatening letter today. I have had them before but not for a while. And all the old feelings of stress and worry have risen in me. It threatens to come around and visit (Barclays sending the boys in). It says they will come to collect the debt £22k of debt because yes of course we have that sort of money to give because if we did we would just not pay them and sit on it for fun.

But I must admit it is the stress of feeling that someone is going to come to the house and threaten me - they are never physically threatening but just the way they visit and the things they say. They have all the power and we have none. I have none.

So how am I going to deal with this. I need to stay calm. I need to let it wash over me. I have told him that he has to deal with it tonight. Not tomorrow but tonight.

So I am going to darts - I am going to have a good time, play darts, have a laugh and just get away for the time being.

What else can I do? Stress, stress, stress, make myself ill with worry and nothing changes, things only get worse.

I still pray to god that we will find a way to come out of this the other end - but not sure my prayers are being heard.

Christmas decos

I am still taking the bloody Christmas decorations down - why am I making such a meal out of it. I am glad Christmas is over and looking forward to a less muddled looking house. I just can't seem to get on with it.

Guess that is me.

Can't decide whether to throw the artificial tree away either - it is definitely starting to fall apart.

You know what I am chucking it.

New Year , new start - maybe we will have a real one for Christmas 2011.

First Day

This is my first day of being optimistic - of being fortified by optimism.

I ignored the tax rises and the ever increasing price of fuel. I can't afford to buy anything apart from essentials and I will just have to use my bike more. Choosing a different lifestyle can be very positive.

I ignored my bad foot and the fact that I didn't get everything I wanted done today. I did get my payclaim and letter done, I took stuff back to Asda and did food shopping. I brought some very cheap but pretty matching underwear because it makes me feel sexy.

I tried not to worry about work - I am doing nights which is just me and nobody to bother with. I watched some TV and I will do some writing this evening (if only a little it will be some).

I am working hard at looking on the bright side,
I am thinking hard to be optimistic.
I am thinking hard.
2011 will be a good year.
I will be happy.
Yeah

Christmas

I had a good christmas (even though I wasn't well and felt bit crap) it was still good, lots of family, friends, relaxing and joy.

I had a good night new year - it was fun and I felt closer to my husband than I have felt for such a long time.

A good omen for 2011 - yes, yes, yes. Because I want it to be.

I realise I have to think better of myself and the world for the world to be a better place.

I still hate work, I find some of the people I work with well, just terrible but have solved that by going back to nights. Tiring and grim sometimes but at least I have control.

I will apply for more jobs, I will be optimistic about getting one.

Life will be better.

Watch this space!